I am in a NEW season!

Isaiah 43:19 “For I am about to do something new. See, I have already begun!”

Today is the beginning. It is the beginning of a new school, a new season and a new life.

Over the past month, God was doing deep work in me preparing me for this day. Many distractions came up trying to take me off of the journey set before me. I had choices to make that were not the easiest. Even up until last night I was asked to be the leader of many things. However, God gave me a word to be in a season of rest from too many people to ignore it. I had to set aside my desire to serve and to lead. I just want to help. But God told me no. I know that sounds crazy but it is what He wants for me this year.

I am in a new season.

As I think about today so many thoughts flood my mind of the past 25 years of my life leading up to this point. It is the day that I have dreamed about since I was 4 years old. I am going to ministry school! My life has taken many twists and turns to get me here and I would not trade on second of it! I am in the best place of my life spiritually, emotionally and physically than ever before. Today marks the first day of the rest of my life and the last day of being the Holly of yesterday.

I am in a new season.

I have no idea what lies ahead. It is scary and at times unnerving. I do not hold the reigns to my life any longer, Papa does. Heidi Baker preached on Sunday and gave a vision that she had over our generation. We are sitting two to a chariot. Jesus is holding the reigns to the horses with his left hand. We are holding a sword. He said, “It takes two hands to hold the sword. Release control!” In other words, let Him have the reigns. When He gets the reigns He can send us out to do greater things than we could ever imagine! I am letting go of control on a daily basis and doing the one thing set before me, hold the sword with two hands.

I am in a new season.

Words continue to flood in from mentors, revival pastors, interns, and friends. “You are to rest in this season. When you get out of this season you will know how to run 100 miles an hour yet still be operating out of a place of rest.” “It is your season to be served.” “It is your season to receive.” I have never been able to receive well. I love to give. However, God is teaching me that if I do not learn how to receive, I will have nothing left to give. I am to be a conduit of His gifts, His goodness, His love. It should flow to me, through me, and to and through others. I am to rest and receive.

I am in a new season.

School starts in just under two hours. I am about to be with 960 other people just like me. People who believe the same things as me. People who are running after God just like me. People who are passionate and here for the “one thing” which is God’s presence! I have friends that are like me, I have friends that challenge me, I have friends that are pursuing God alongside me, I have friends.

I am in a new season.

God is teaching me how to receive love from Him and others. He is teaching me how much He loves me. Everyday He blows my theology, my mind and my previous experiences with His overwhelming love. It is hard to take without wondering when it is all going to fall apart. But it just keeps coming, it keeps getting better. He IS THAT Good! He is teaching me each day to trust Him. I was given $200 to pay for new tires for my car. I was given the best Revival Group pastor I could have asked for. I was given the best roommates I could have asked for. I was given the best landlords, friends, mentors I couldn’t have even dreamed of receiving. I have had a summer of learning to jump off cliffs, rope swing, wakeboard, rock climb and dance salsa and west coast swing. I have taken risk in the natural all summer long, and God is asking me to take risk and try new things in the spiritual realm. He is asking me to rest, receive, experiment, explore, live in abundant favor and have childlike faith.

I am in a new season.

The sentence on the top of my 1st Year BSSM binder reads:

“Believers who are focused and passionate, willing to pay any price to live in community, purity and power because they are loved by God and love Him, Whose manifest presence transforms lives and cultures.”

That is who we are as BSSM students. That is our motto, that is our call, that is our lifestyle.

I am ready to jump! I am ready to fly! I am ready to soar!

I AM IN A NEW SEASON!!!

 

Take a deep breath

With school just 27 days away, I was beginning to panick a little, ok well maybe a lot…

There are so many groups and things you get assigned to that I was starting to really worry about which group I would be put in. Hearing all the horror stories of people hating their revival groups or other groups they were in got me worried that God wouldn’t put me in the right group. I also heard amazing stories of awesome revival groups so I wanted God to make sure I was in one of those. We are in these revival groups with around 65 other people, a revival pastor and about 5 interns for 9 months! That is a long time! I thought about requesting a revival pastor from the few I have met. God didn’t really like that idea.

I also signed up for a workshop call The Single Life Workshop that focusses on teaching you how to have healthy relationships whether that be friendships, dating, or marriage. They put you in a small group for 18 weeks! That is a long time! You have to commit to going every week due to the nature of the workshop. So I then began freaking out about which group I would be put in, what the leaders would know or not know about me based on my questionnaire I had to fill out. 18 weeks is a long time to be in a group you don’t like. I thought about talking to the people to make sure I didn’t get put in a particular group because I had to mark a certain box on the sheet. God didn’t really like that idea either.

I began worrying about each group I would be in over the next year and wondering if God would remember to put me in a good one.

Cara had to remind me to take a breath and relax. I don’t have to be in control of this. God can handle it. Thru a few conversations and hang outs, I began to realize my view of God is still pretty screwed up. I have this idea that I got from somewhere that God needs my help to make sure things turn out right. LOL Let’s all just laugh at that! (haha Steve Backlund’s preaching is starting to rub off on me…uh oh…He wrote a book called Let’s Just Laugh At That)

Anyways, I have this view that God is going to somehow mess up my life. That is so ridiculous! I think I’m the one that messes up my life…not God. Usually it’s because I try to control things and then the good He had planned, I end up sabotaging. Even beyond that, I’ve realized that I think God wants to bless everyone but me. Like God somehow thinks that I need to grow up and get beyond asking Him for stuff, but He’s happy to bless all those around me that are asking.

Where did I get these thoughts?

If God is my daddy, don’t dad’s love to bless their kids just because? Do good dads make their kids work for it and jump thru hoops all the time? I would think not all the time. I mean I know there are times where kids have to learn discipline and not everything can just be handed to them or they go thru life thinking people owe them stuff. But if a parent always made their kid earn whatever was given to them, the child would never learn how to receive a gift. They would always think there were strings attached. This is the view that I have.

I do not know how to receive. If I am given something, I usually think it is because I earned it or I will have to earn it in some way later. I sure hope I unlearn this thru school this year. I don’t even know how to begin to really know and believe that God just wants to give me stuff because He can. I know it in my head, but I don’t really believe it for myself yet. I can preach it to anyone and believe it wholeheartedly but because I have never seen it really demonstrated in my own life, sometimes I wonder if God forgot I was there or if I am doing something wrong.

It’s a lot to think about. I have a lot of stuff to unlearn this year and learn the truth about who God is, who He wants to be towards me and how He sees me.

Take a deep breath…here I go!

80 hours in 9 days

Well friends, it has been a while since I have posted…

A lot has happened in the past couple of weeks. I posted vlogs on Facebook of most of the journey so I will not recap much of it here. However, it was an amazing trip with two young revivalists and a friend from school. We drove 40 hours, had a 4 day conference and drove 40hrs back to Redding in 9 days…

July 30th I traveled up to Gresham and had an amazing time at home! Don made me an amazing breakfast of pancakes, sausage and eggs that was waiting for me when I walked in the door! Then my pastors had me over for lunch right after that and barbecued up hamburgers and PB even made me tator tots! Hahaha He knows me so well! I had a great time talking with Him and Sybille about all that I have learned so far in Redding. When I first walked in the door, Liesa yelled, “Holly! You’re black!” hahaha They couldn’t stop talking about how tan I was! Gotta love that! I spent the whole afternoon there and it felt so good to be home. Then off I went to Grandma’s(cara’s mom) for a delicious dinner! It was magnificent! Yummy food, great company and I was acting totally crazy! I think I may have scared some people…hahaha That’s what happens when you don’t sleep.

The next morning I woke up and went to church and saw the rest of my church family. It was amazing! All the kids and teens giving me hugs. *sigh* I felt so loved. PB and the whole church made me and my friend play the minute to win it game. It was really fun. I loved being home.

Then off we went to Jesus Culture Awakening in Chicago!

That trip was amazing and you can view the videos on my facebook page http://www.facebook.com/hollycotterill1

We really wanted to make it home for the outdoor service so we left Chicago early and only spent a little bit of time at Mall of America. My GPS kept saying we wouldn’t be there until 1pm. Service started at 11am and we really wanted to make it there on time. Well thru a miracle or something we ended up getting there at 11:15. We pulled over at the bathrooms to change into all out Jesus Culture gear and sunglasses. We parked a little ways from the reserved spot our church had at Oxbow Park and we walk thru the trees to the service! Little did we know they had already had worship and Don had told the church about how we saw a man walk out of a wheelchair at Jesus Culture. They were all then greeting each other when we arrived on the scene. My pastor stared at us from afar and all the sudden realized who we were and everyone ran to us and us to them! They said it was perfect timing! We wish it would have been caught on video. How perfect! They were just talking about us and wishing we could have made it and BAM there we are! hahaha I love how God sets things up and cares about the little details. I even got lost three times getting to the park which put us at the perfect timing!

I was so glad to be home for the outdoor service! It was all I wanted! We had the best day! I loved being home with everyone!

Now I am back in Redding and after fighting a crazy fever and exhaustion, I am beginning to feel myself again. Although, it was harder to leave home this time that when I first moved here. Even though I’m going back in 3 weeks for Labor Day, it was the first time I realized I didn’t live there anymore. Yet it felt like I never left when I was there. I was still their Holly, I was still involved, and I hadn’t missed a thing. I’m glad that I felt that way instead of feeling disconnected to them. Everyone has been soo good at keeping in touch with me, it’s like I’m still there.

It’s hard to get my bearings back here though. No one really cares about you here like they do at home. You come for a year maybe three and no one misses you when you are gone. No one even notices when you leave. It’s very depressing. No one knows you and no one really cares to either and that’s the sad part. My church is so friendly and people took my friend in as one of their own. But here…it’s different. They meet so many students each fall that how many connections can we expect the church to make with us. Their lives go on here after we leave. We can’t expect them to take us on and love us. It’s not fair to them when we leave. So everyone is caught in the middle of the conundrum. How much do you let people in when they are just going to leave? How much do we let people in when we may only be here a short time? hmmmm

Well I’m not sure how to answer that but I know once school starts things will settle in.

I will have my group of friends for a season until they or I leave. I have one couple here that really does care about me and that’s good enough for me. Plus, God loves me so that should count for something! Although, for me it’s more about having something familiar than it is having someone to love me. I like the familiar, when I go home and I don’t even have to talk to some people but just having them there, in my sightline, that gives me comfort. Being with people that know you love Cajan Tator Tots and do their best to make them for you. People that know when you are sick or sad you need cookie dough to cheer you up. People that just know you. That’s what I long for, not to be loved because I am loved by many and I know that, but to have something familiar where you don’t even have to say a word but they just know.

Know what I mean?

Anyways, this is my struggle right now, and this is where I’m at. This blog is about me being real so there it is folks. This is where I’m at, it may not be pretty, it may seem kinda negative, but this is real life. I hope you can appreciate that. This is just how I feel right now but I’m sure this too shall pass. Thanks for understanding and just keep me in your prayers! Love you all!

Nourished but Not Satisfied

I’m hungry…I eat…I’m thirsty…I drink…yet I’m not satisfied…

There’s a desire for more. A desire to see, feel, and experience more of God.

But how? What does that look like? How can I ask for something that I don’t even know what it is I am asking for?

This past weekend I have been so hungry for more of God. I am doing everything I know how to do; read the Bible, worship, soak, talk to God, but I just can’t get enough to satisfy this craving. I’m eating up every word I read from the Bible and learning so much! My mind is being blown away by reading the scriptures out of relationship instead of duty. It’s like a whole new world has opened up to me! I listen to worship music probably 75% of my waking hours (and sleeping hours actually lol) and just sit and soak in it and worship Papa. Yet, my craving still remains, my hunger increases, my thirst is unquenchable.

It’s like I’m consuming everything in sight and it’s all good, great, wonderful, amazing, yet there’s something missing…

How can I explain this feeling?

You know when you love someone so much and you can’t get close enough, spend enough time with them, or even begin to show them how much you love them, and nothing satisfies that craving for intimacy and love that you feel towards that person? Yeah, it’s kinda like that, well actually it’s EXACTLY like that!

I just feel like I want to crawl up in Papa’s lap and just hug Him forever! I just want to look at Him, stare into His eyes and feel His embrace! 

I am craving a God encounter like never before! I don’t even think I have ever experienced a God encounter like the one I’m after. I just want more of Him so bad that I’ll do anything to get more of Him. I’ve done all I know to do but there’s just something more out there that I’ve never experienced, so I don’t even really know what to ask for.

All I know is, whatever it is, I need it. Whatever that looks like to Him. I don’t care if I look stupid, sound stupid, or lose all my friends. I am just seeking the one thing; God’s presence. 

If it’s truly all about relationship, I have missed out on the deeper levels of what that means and entails for years and I’m not going to miss out anymore. I want God more than ever before and I will not stop until I get more of Him and satisfy this hunger! Yet, the more I get the hungrier I get! Will this ever stop?! I feel like I’m going crazy! I just want to spend every minute, every second in His presence. Nothing else matters!

The craving is everywhere! When I’m working, it’s there! When I’m resting, it’s there! When I’m hanging out with friends, it’s there! When I’m volunteering at Iris, it’s there! No matter where I go, the craving is there! So no matter what I do, where I go, I want to be in His presence all day long!  My craving still remains, my hunger increases, my thirst is unquenchable.

What will satisfy this? Will it ever be satisfied?

Have I opened up a well that was buried so deep inside me that I have to dig down deep and uncover the water source?

Yes, I believe that latter is true. That is what happened. I opened up the surface of a well and now it’s time to dig and find that water source so rivers of living water can flow in and thru me! But how do I dig? What does that look like? What tools do I use?

I just feel like I am in unknown territory. It’s as if I’ve been in a desert for years and just discovered that there is an ocean beneath the sand and it’s been there this whole time. I have a few tools but I don’t know how to use them to dig down to the water. I don’t even know if they are the right tools to use…

What will happen once I figure out how to tap into that ocean? What will that look like? Will it overtake me? Will it sweep me away? Will it drown me? Will it bring me life?

I have no grid for this. This is uncharted territory in my life. But there’s only one way to find out…

Start diggin! I don’t care if the tools I have are right or not, it’s all I got so it’s going to have to do! I think God will honor my efforts and will enjoy seeing me discover the ocean of who knows what, underneath this desert sand!

Here’s to diggin!

A New Perspective…

Since last August, God has kept me reading the gospels, Matthew, Mark, Luke and John. I took some time off of reading the Bible because I got tired of reading the same thing over and over again. I mean come on, you read the gospels once it’s like you’ve read it four times! Just being real folks…

Anyways, when I decided to pick it up again, God said, “go back thru the gospels.” Are you kidding me?! “Nope” He said.

So what else do you do, you can’t argue with God, I mean you can but even if you avoid it for months, He still throws it back at ya. There was no use, off to Matthew I went.

Each time I read thru the gospels, God highlights something different to me. This time I just underlined everywhere it said “Kingdom of God.” Which most of those times He is explaining the Kingdom and telling people “the kingdom has come near you” when He performed miracles. That’s about all I got out of that study. Which there is a lot more to that but I had already learned that previously from Sermon’s by Kris Vallotton and is not the point of this blog. 🙂

However, during the few weeks that I’ve been reading the gospels, my spiritual life had a huge earthquake that hit it’s peak this past Sunday and ravaged the very core of my belief system. I was faced with a decision to make….

Either I let go and believe the things I’m hearing or I don’t and I live the rest of my life in fear and regret, wondering if what the people around me are saying is true; It’s all about relationship and stop striving, and God just loves you…

I just want that relationship with Him. I have read the Bible and I know it well. But it’s supposed to lead me into a closer relationship with God and I think I became like the teachers of the law and the pharisees who had Jesus standing right in front of them and they missed Him cuz all they wanted to do was debate laws and doctrines. I don’t want to be that anymore. When I read the gospels that is how I read them; with the eyes of a pharisee.

I wanna see, feel, and experience God. I want to just believe like a child does. I want to tune in and hear Him and see all He’s doing around me. I have always wanted more of a relationship with God than theology or doctrine. But when I moved here, I somehow got really defensive. For some reason I felt like I needed to be the defender of the Bible and all I’ve been taught.

But I don’t want that assignment anymore. 

The whole reason I came here was to break free, explore the supernatural God and go after Him with everything I have. Songs like The More I Seek You where it talks about sitting at the feet of Jesus and feeling His heart beat is what I have desired for years.  I was so tired of being trapped in the prison of my mind. I felt like there was a gate around my heart that I couldn’t break, but God is beginning to set me free. There is so much that scares me about the unknown but I know I have to break through that to get where God wants to take me and to where I want to go. 

So I began reading the last of the four gospels; John. It’s like my eyes were opened. I was reading John 13, 14 and 15, discovering the very heart of the Father. I used to read it as law…

In John 14:15 He says, “If you love me keep my commandments.” In John 14:23 He continues, “If anyone loves me, he will keep My word; and My Father will love him, and We will come to Him and make our home with him.”

I thought this meant that if we keep the LAW God will love us. However, Jesus says in John 13:34 “A NEW commandment I give to you, that you love one another; as I have loved you, that you also love one another.” And again in John 15:12, “This is my commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you.” John 15:17 “I command you, that you love one another.” John 15:14 “You are My friends if you do whatever I command you.”

Jesus’ commandment is simply to love.

It’s not keeping the Mosaic law that makes God love you. It’s simply loving others that attracts God. When we understand how much the Father loves us, how can we not love others?

We keep God’s commandment because we love Him. It’s out of relationship that we obey. God wants to be our friend.

ALL God wants is RELATIONSHIP!

Wow! That takes so much pressure off. That releases us to love, to serve and to obey out of love for our Father instead of striving to gain His approval.  He says in John 15:15-16 “I have called you friends…I chose you and appointed you…” God already approves of us. He just wants us to know that and out of His great love for us, love others! 

Doesn’t that make you feel so free? It makes me feel like a burden has been lifted off of my shoulders!!! God just loves me for me! He approves of me just because He made me. It’s so much easier to love others when you know how much God loves you! I can’t wait to re-read the Bible with the tainted lenses taken off and the revelation of God’s love and goodness as my filter put on!

Be Encouraged! God simply loves you…He calls you friend…He wants a relationship with you…

Will you say yes?

It’s all about Relationship…

One of the things I’m running into here is that theology, the study OF God, is not a primary focus. This is difficult because of my background and the fathers that have taught me so much about that. Is it all worthless? No, and they don’t think that either. It’s just all about relationship.

The analogy was given: “I could sit and read the love letters my wife wrote me 33 years ago or I could go in the next room at hold her and talk with her.” 

Hmmmm…good point. But when speaking about God, what does that look like? It’s not that theology is thrown out the window. Apparently, it’s just a matter of greater truth. Both are right but which is greater? So many people in the gospels, mostly pharisees, were rebuked by Jesus because they could tell what the weather was going to be but couldn’t see the sign of the times. They searched the scriptures to find eternal life but really it was in relationship with Jesus who was right in front of them and they missed it.

John 5:37-47 states…

³⁷ And the Father Himself, who sent Me, has testified of Me. You have neither heard His voice at any time, nor seen His form. ³⁸ But you do not have His word abiding in you, because whom He sent, Him you do not believe. ³⁹ You search the Scriptures, for in them you think you have eternal life; and these are they which testify of Me. ⁴⁰ But you are not willing to come to Me that you may have life. 

⁴¹ “I do not receive honor from men. ⁴² But I know you, that you do not have the love of God in you. ⁴³ I have come in My Father’s name, and you do not receive Me; if another comes in his own name, him you will receive. ⁴⁴ How can you believe, who receive honor from one another, and do not seek the honor that comes from the only God? ⁴⁵ Do not think that I shall accuse you to the Father; there is one who accuses you—Moses, in whom you trust. ⁴⁶ For if you believed Moses, you would believe Me; for he wrote about Me. ⁴⁷ But if you do not believe his writings, how will you believe My words?”

So what does this mean? Well, for me the last verse sums it up. If I do not believe the scriptures, how will I believe what Jesus is saying to me? In other words, it’s not one or the other, it’s both. You need the scriptures because they testify of Jesus. You need His word abiding in you so you know His voice and the voice of a stranger you do not follow. However, if you get so stuck in theology and doctrine as the pharisees and teachers of the law did, you may miss Jesus standing right in front of you. The Bible should bring us to a place of relationship with God, not just studying ABOUT Him as if He’s some dead, Biblical character. We need to be brought into a place where we hear God’s voice on a daily basis, not just thru the Bible, but thru relationship with Him.

He is always speaking.

Another analogy was given: There are sounds, pictures, and videos floating in the air around you all the time. To see or hear it you have to turn on a TV, Radio, or Cell Phone. Once you tune in, you can hear those sounds, see those pictures and watch those videos. They are always there even though you can’t see them.

God is the same way. We need to tune in and hear what the Spirit is saying. He’s always talking, but are we too busy reading, studying, debating, to hear what He wants to say to us. Maybe He just wants to say, “Hey girl, I just love you” or “How’s my daughter doing today? I just think you are amazing!” 

He’s always talking, but are we always listening?

It’s all about relationship, it’s not about theology or doctrine. It’s about Him and I and Him and you.

What is Papa saying to you right now?

One Month

Well everyone, I have been in Redding exactly one month today. I realized I haven’t written about the daily happenings around here in awhile so I thought I would do that for this blog.

One month seems so short yet I feel like I have lived here for forever. I am having a great time and am finally getting some breakthrough in the area of finding God here in Redding. Sunday at church I was able to focus and really worship God with everything I had! I could feel Him there with me. It was amazing! I have discovered United Pursuit Band’s CD Found. It is amazing! I love using it for soaking or just as background music for work, reading my Bible or running.

I’ve been meeting tons of really cool people from all different groups around Bethel, however they seem to all be interconnected. I went to a party Saturday night and met a guy from Gresham! How awesome is that! However, he went to Barlow, so that kinda put a damper on things…haha jk jk. For those of you reading this that don’t know what I’m talking about, Barlow is a rival high school to my high school, Gresham High. At that party people prayed for my leg to straighten out since my right one is really crooked. It’s so funny, parties here are so different. It’s totally my scene. We barbecue, eat, converse, how spontaneous worship break out because someone always brings a guitar, pray for healing and prophesy over each other! I have found where I belong! They 20 somethings here party like that! Where have they been all my life? Haha!

On the 4th of July, Nikki and I were invited to a party at a condo that overlooks the Sacramento River! It was so beautiful! We met all sorts of awesome people there too. I met a couple guys that work in my industry of enterprise mobility. They were the hosts of the party and very nice to Nikki and I. People here are in general really nice. It’s kinda odd lol. A bunch of the worship team from Bethel was there too. It was fun getting to know them off the stage.

Earlier that day, we went rafting down the river with about 25 people! That was really fun too! The water was cold but I jumped in anyway. I made a lot of really cool friends there too and actually recognized quite a few people from different groups I was hanging out with. They all merged into one big group! I was talking to one guy about how hard it is to always be meeting new people and then trying to find a group to stick with. He said, “your awesomely cool! you can be in my group!” Haha how nice 🙂

So pretty much every other day there is a party to go to! In fact, tomorrow I’m going cliff jumping with another huge group of people, then Saturday we are off the Wiskeytown lake for another party! Summers in Redding are soooooo fun! Why would anyone go home in-between years at school? This is when you can really get to know people!

Another very fun aspect of my life down here is I get to volunteer for Iris Ministries. My landlords work there. They are soooo cool! They are definitely a mom and dad to Nikki and I. We are going over there for dinner tonight! I can’t wait! They are just so encouraging. They are teaching me how to have relationship with God instead of rules, law, and works. I told Dennis yesterday that I think it’s harder to live in grace than under the law. It’s all about managing your freedom, but that will be another blog posting…

Anyway, Dennis and Anita, my landlords, are always saying how amazing I am and telling me do stop striving and that God is taking me into a season of romance with Him. Sounds weird I know, but it’s true. I didn’t realize how much I didn’t know how to have real relationship with God until I met them. They challenge me so much without saying hardly anything! It’s crazy but I love it! I often wonder how I will be a year from now, what will I believe and what will become normal to me that is so foreign at this point? It’s so exciting yet so scary.

I can honestly say that I am glad I moved here when I did. God is taking me on an amazing journey. It’s not easy and not always fun because my theology is getting rocked and thrown out for the most part but only the bad parts of it. I just can’t wait for school to start but I almost feel like it’s already started for me.

I will be writing a blog about grace vs law in the next day or so, so make sure to check that one out too!

Love you all!!!!

The earthquake is coming…

I can feel it. You know, the one they talk about. I can feel it coming. You know, the earthquake that is supposed to be bigger than anything you’ve ever experienced. The one that turns your life upside down and you have to look thru the rubble for any remaining part of you. I can feel it. The one that leaves you questioning the very core of who you are and what you believe. It’s coming. The one that leaves a massive line drawn between to points and you have to decide, do I go back to what I know, or do I go forward and build something new? I can feel it, it’s coming.

They say it’s when you come face to face with the things that are deep down inside and you have to decide is it Kingdom or is it not. If it’s not, get rid of it. If it is, how do you bring it up to the forefront of who you are?

It’s an earthquake that shatters your paradigm. It shatters the very things you held onto. The very things that once gave you comfort. The only thing about this earthquake is, you either choose to be apart of it and let it happen or you choose to run before it does. 

Now in real life, running from the earthquake is the logical, smart thing to do. However, when speaking in a spiritual sense, running only prolongs the process. The earthquake is coming either now or the day you die and meet your maker. I guess I would rather it happen now so that I can live my life here on earth to the fullest. Will it be fun? No. Will it be hard? Yes. But will I survive and come out the other end stronger than ever? ABSOLUTELY!

I can feel it coming.

I do not know when it will hit me, but the ground is starting to rumble. The epicenter of my soul is shaking and my body is scared beyond measure. I can feel it, it’s coming.

Who will I become? What is it in me that needs to be exposed and shaken out? What will it look like? Will I lose my mind? Will I lose my logic, my reality, my paradigm?

Will those that knew me before be able to accept me after? 

I can feel it, it’s coming. You know, the one they talk about. The one that changes your life forever.

It’s coming…

 

 

Apostle Paul’s Blog

This is a repost of Apostle Paul’s original blog, which can be found by clicking here or reading in in your own Bible.

“I, therefore, the prisoner of the Lord, beseech you to walk worthy of the calling with which you were called, with all lowliness and gentleness, with longsuffering, bearing with one another in love, endeavoring to keep the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace. There is one body and one Spirit, just as you were called in one hope of your calling; one Lord, one faith, one baptism; one God and Father of all, who is above all, and through all, and in you all.

But to each one of us grace was given according to the measure of Christ’s gift.  Therefore He says: 

      “ When He ascended on high,
He led captivity captive,
And gave gifts to men.”

 (Now this, “He ascended”—what does it mean but that He also first descended into the lower parts of the earth? He who descended is also the One who ascended far above all the heavens, that He might fill all things.)

And He Himself gave some to be apostles, some prophets, some evangelists, and some pastors and teachers, for the equipping of the saints for the work of ministry, for the edifying of the body of Christ, till we all come to the unity of the faith and of the knowledge of the Son of God, to a perfect man, to the measure of the stature of the fullness of Christ; that we should no longer be children, tossed to and fro and carried about with every wind of doctrine, by the trickery of men, in the cunning craftiness of deceitful plotting, but, speaking the truth in love, may grow up in all things into Him who is the head—Christ— from whom the whole body, joined and knit together by what every joint supplies, according to the effective working by which every part does its share, causes growth of the body for the edifying of itself in love.

This I say, therefore, and testify in the Lord, that you should no longer walk as the rest of the Gentiles walk, in the futility of their mind, having their understanding darkened, being alienated from the life of God, because of the ignorance that is in them, because of the blindness of their heart; who, being past feeling, have given themselves over to lewdness, to work all uncleanness with greediness. 

But you have not so learned Christ, if indeed you have heard Him and have been taught by Him, as the truth is in Jesus: that you put off, concerning your former conduct, the old man which grows corrupt according to the deceitful lusts, and be renewed in the spirit of your mind, and that you put on the new man which was created according to God, in true righteousness and holiness.

Therefore, putting away lying, “ Let each one of you speak truth with his neighbor,” for we are members of one another. “Be angry, and do not sin”: do not let the sun go down on your wrath, nor give place to the devil. Let him who stole steal no longer, but rather let him labor, working with his hands what is good, that he may have something to give him who has need. Let no corrupt word proceed out of your mouth, but what is good for necessary edification, that it may impart grace to the hearers. And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, by whom you were sealed for the day of redemption.

Let all bitterness, wrath, anger, clamor, and evil speaking be put away from you, with all malice. And be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God in Christ forgave you.”

God gave me this as a reminder of how we, His body, should act towards each other. I have a lot of growing to do in this area. Thank God for grace!!!

For some more good food for thought from Paul see the verses below…

Hebrews 12:14 “Pursue peace with all people, and holiness, without which no one will see the Lord…”

Hebrews 3:13 “but exhort one another daily, while it is called “Today,” lest any of you be hardened through the deceitfulness of sin.”

2 Timothy 2:23 “But avoid foolish and ignorant disputes, knowing that they generate strife.”

Colossians 4:6 “Let your speech always be with grace, seasoned with salt, that you may know how you ought to answer each one.”

Finding my niche

This week was a week of battling.

Transition is always hard for me. This week I had to question a lot of things, break thru some things and really remember why I came to Redding. While my days are filled with laying out in the sun at the lake, working from home, and attending home groups and church services, I am beginning to realize that I am just going thru the motions.

Today I had the opportunity to go on an outreach feeding the homeless in Redding. I almost didn’t go because I just felt like laying around, but I knew I needed to get out and do something for someone else. I showed up and went to the local skate park and served food to a few people. At the beginning of the outreach we all got together and shared testimonies of what happened in the city that week thru other outreaches. Angelo, the leader, began talking about other projects that God was opening the door to. He spoke about an apartment outreach which immediately caught my attention since I have done that before. I got all excited and began to remember why I was in Redding.

I am here to get trained and equipped to take outreach to the next level!

It sparked something in me so deep that I could hardly contain myself! While the actual outreach was small today, I watched as the regulars spoke to the regular homeless people that came by for food. They have developed relationships with these people and apparently Bethel has a reputation for serving really good food! It’s always good to give the best not the left overs to the hungry. I listened to people’s stories and heard their heart’s cry and they still believed in God’s goodness, even though they didn’t understand it. The homeless would speak about the Holy Spirit and what He was doing inside of them. It was amazing! We weren’t just feeding people food, we were giving them the bread of life! It felt like when Jesus was with the woman at the well.

The part of outreach that I am most excited to learn about is how to marry service with supernatural!

Tonight I went to a meeting at someone’s house where Kat Kerr was speaking about Heaven. That was awesome! I met a lady there and she invited me to other outreach things they do and I told her I love outreach. She said she could see it on me that’s why she mentioned it. Wow! I love that people can see my heart for the lost and broken!

I feel like I am beginning to find a place that I can serve. This is going to be the area that I throw myself into. I am so excited to learn from some amazing people who have such a heart for this city and seeing God deliver and transform people!

After sitting back and thinking about all that God has shown me this week and today, I am starting to feel more settled. I am beginning to see where I may fit in here. Although I still am nervous and leery of some things, I have a firm foundation that I can always lean on. I am so glad I have a solid foundation in God’s word. Without that, I could easily get swept away into the supernatural with no bearings to balance me out. I know Bethel is the place for me because I am ready to get the Spirit side and have both Word and Spirit married together in perfect harmony so that God can use me to do whatever, whenever.

However, keep praying for me my friends! I covet your prayers and feel very uncertain at times so please keep covering me in prayer! This is going to be a very stretching season in my life and it is already starting. It’s going to be an exciting adventure but also a very challenging one so I definitely need your encouragement, prayers, phone calls, texts, and Facebook messages! Don’t forget to leave me comments on my blog as well! I would love to hear from you!